Wow. It dawned on me. I had cancer. That was the first time that anyone, Dr. Dan, nurses, friends, or family, had ever used that word to refer to my illness. I think that it was probably avoided and aimed more toward Hodgkin. Hmm, that sounds like a cute, little puppy with floppy ears, compared to “cancer.” They probably didn’t want to scare me, and I thank them for that. I knew I had cancer. I was getting chemo for goodness sakes, but never before had that word been directed toward me, describing me. And, from that point on, a little tape played in my head– periodically rewinding itself, before repeating again.
“I have cancer. I have cancer. I have cancer.”
Still, after all that, my very next thought was, “Are you sure? Cancer?!”