Grace: A Child's Intimate Journey Through Cancer and Recovery
From Grace:
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My entire family was crunched into the small space, sitting on random chairs and stools. Dr. Dan pulled a rickety chair into the circle, his expression instantly setting a somewhat grim tone and feeling in the cramped room. He explained that it was The Chemo Talk, something all of “his kids” must hear. In other words, it was my right as a patient to know of all the possible side effects. With a heavy heart, and a soul of lead, I listened to him recite a long list of potential complications. They were as simple as a headache to as deadly as a heart attack. I was speechless. Looking at my parents and brothers, their somber faces made an eerie sensation tickle my body. They had never looked so serious in all my life, and it was extremely frightening. I stared down at my PICC line. I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to do this. The chemotherapy, my lifesaver, was just as scary as my disease. I had a choice, but I didn’t have a choice. I could either slowly suffocate to death or take on the possibly deadly effects of chemo and hopefully kill the Hodgkin lymphoma. I felt stuck, helpless, and hopeless. I thought that if the mass didn’t kill me, then the chemo would. I was so confused, thinking I had to be the closest to death that I had ever come in order to be saved. It all didn’t make sense to me. The feeling of uncertainty in the air was driving me nuts. I couldn’t help but think, “What am I getting myself into? Is this really necessary? Is this the only way?” And even, “Would I really die if I didn’t do chemo? Would it really kill me?” The answer was, “Yes.” I finally realized, with my pee ready and my newly arrived chemo set, not to mention the 13 x 9 x 8 centimeter mass sitting in my chest, I had to do it. There was no turning back. Peering at Dr. Dan, my mom, and my dad, I felt a sort of thankful anger and frustration for them. They were saving me, but by torturing me and practically killing me. Uh, thanks?
copyright: Melinda Marchiano
Grace: A Child’s Intimate Journey Through Cancer and Recovery
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If we could stop cancer without cutting, poisoning, or burning…
When people hear the words, “You have cancer,” I wonder which fear is bigger, fear of cancer or fear of treatment.
Arms Wide Open Childhood Cancer Foundation
I love this foundation for their work for less toxic treatments!
This video is titled, “Cut, Poison, Burn”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCmr2OGmMDQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Ronald McDonald House in Phoenix
Melinda Marchiano 
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